SAVE AND LIVE: EMBRACING BETTER DAYS

Any time from now, I will be wading again in the pond of requirements. Though I care less about the pressure, I still felt lost in the middle of all of these.

While there is a need to prove my worth at work, to do more than what is required, and to regain back the initial trust my boss gave me on my first day, I am stuck in nothingness feeling sick. I am wondering what would freedom felt like had I have it in me. Up to some extent, I am free but to a noticeable and dominant aspect of my life, I know I am not.

So probably, I will just imagine what freedom is for. It would be a waste if a throw my tantrums again on this white sheet and wallow on the negativity of my brain. I need to rise above! I need to be somewhere better.

Freedom is not only doing what you want but a state where happiness is accessible regardless of time and conditions. Freedom for me is waking up every morning without rushing to the bathroom because somebody needs to take his turn. Freedom is sitting on a table for a breakfast with my family; and not scavenging on convenient store’s bread with the same fillings. Freedom is enjoying a cup of coffee with my loved ones while eating a sumptuous breakfast of sunny-side egg, tomatoes, bacon, fried rice, dried fish, tapa, and pandesal. Freedom is talking to my parents and siblings and taking all our time over the breakfast.

Freedom is pursuing a passion without someone dictating you what to do and how to get things done. Probably that would mean no boss, no structure, no 8-6pm work hours. It is being comfortable at the same time challenge to give my best at every situation without the fear of failure and getting fired.  It is working on a project I am massively passionate with. Freedom is when the atmosphere is not tainted with negative vibes and air of awkwardness.

Freedom is sleeping after lunch and waking up in the afternoon feeling it was 6am. It is strolling around the local market for fresh seafood to be cooked for dinner. Freedom is starring at the window while watching the rain and how children enjoy the glorious moment of their childhood.

Freedom is waiting for a tricycle to climb our remote area in a subtle hot afternoon. Freedom is browsing through the local book shop, standing there for an hour and half without any purchase. It is seeing your good friends on random meet ups with some bottles of beer.

Freedom is a cup of coffee at Dunkin Donuts. It is the serenity of a hot afternoon celebrating one’s solitude.

I always equate travelling to freedom. Those moments inside the bus, while I watch the green fields drift fast from my rear to back, are the purest forms of liberty. It’s like transcending what is here and now into a state higher than and bigger than me.

I could go on a day and fill this post with what's Freedom for me but I'd like to stop here for you to imagine what is freedom for you and if you are living with it.

At the end of the year, I see myself having that Php200,000 in my trading account and I am going to get that by all means. I also see my debt reduced to 75% compared to last year along with an increase in income-generating assets by 20%.  That’s all at the end of three and a half months from now. But beyond that, I see myself living the life I will create for myself.

Café Tomorrow

I am sitting again at my favorite café in Paris as I watch people pass by. Some are riding their bicycles and occasionally throw a smile. I am writing on my laptop (much sophisticated than my laptop in 2016) a marketing campaign a new product line of my valued clients. There’s no rush on this since the deadline is still a week after. I love doing something which gives me much control than a product of haste so I will take all my time and juice up my creativity. After this, I will check my trades. I love stocks and how the market has evolved along with the growing economy of my country. My ten million-portfolio is well-managed and has been generating resources enough to fund my travel. For some this must be an average life and others might think it is luxurious but for me, this is just enough.

I pick my phone to call my parents home and ask them what they want me to bring home. We usually begin with cracking jokes and asking the breakfast I have eaten and the weather. They ask me about my job and I answer excitingly that I will be meeting clients later this afternoon. My mother then reminds me to pack my stuff early so that I won’t leave anything. My father tells me to take it easy and enjoy the rest of the day. I always expect that from him and I will surely take his advice.

So much for the call, I bid farewell and promise to bring them their requests. My siblings send a Facebook message outlining the list of what I need to buy for them. I reply with an affirmative “copy”. I finally open my portfolio and find out that I have gained roughly 15% today. Not bad after years of studying and training. I click on my charting tools and start my routine of analyzing charts. I will place order and leave it that way. I’ll soon take another set of profits soon without taking too much effort.

I finish my cup and the last bite of croissant. I carry my laptop and take a stroll on the fascinating pavement. I breathe deep, close my eyes, and tell myself:

“This must be the life I wanted”

15^th August 2016. Nothing seems to inspire me after debt has eaten the best part of me.

Last night, I had starred at my ceiling for the longest time before I finally reached the dreamland. I wondered where my life has been for the past 6 years after graduation or after I have my license as a professional. After my cursory review, I have seen my life in constant up and down, ending in a pit of the same old problems. Though I am currently working my way out, I never really felt I made any progress. First, I am still in debt. Second, I am still part of the rat race doing things I am less motivated with. And third, I don’t find meaning in all of these.

I would like to take myself to the first problem. What have I done and what have I been doing which lead to this unresolved financial catastrophe? Looking at the figures, I never seem to cut debt because I keep adding after I have finished one. But unlike in the past years, majority of the debt are used for investment and purchased of assets needed for my personal operations. Despite this move to improve investments, debt will always be debt! And I am suffocated and tired of it. I have also made a monitoring system to check out the due dates and when I expected to pay them off. At first, it worked then today it faltered.

Aside from my mishandled debt monitoring schedule and plan, my personal lifestyle is also dysfunctional. I spend more than I earn and this has caused me in immense financial trouble. Along with my bad financial habits, I spend a lot with friends outside with for hang-out and leisure. I also spend on non essentials like mobile games and filters.

I know I must do something to kill debt the soonest and it should start now. At times I felt really helpless and thought to myself will I ever find a way out of this misery? Now, just by writing this contributes to massive amount of stress. I am going to find a way. There must be a way.

Since I already listed everything and started paying off one by one, I will have it printed and finalize the amount. I will make a standard budget including cash flows statement to ensure that everything is under control and within the limits of my capacity.

Discipline is the key to get out of debt. I don’t have that’s why I am still here. But I believe one of these days, I will get out of this and  change my life.

I am sitting at the corner of McDonalds when I realize life has been massively dynamic that I am caught in between yesterday, now, and tomorrow. I sip my black coffee and instantly I am blast in the past. In a blink, I find myself sitting at a corner of another fast-food chain enjoying the same black coffee. I feel the same power of freedom and internal peace within me only that it was no longer on the same spot at the same conditions.

Back then when life is a picture of simplicity, I could waste my time doing nothing. I feel contented; never encounter something is lacking. I have a simple life back then and enough money to get by. Though I think I am ambitious at times, at the very moment I was sitting at the corner as I drink that cup of black coffee, I know I am happy; and I never wanted more.

The picture of my town revisit my head. It is an image of serenity, calmness, and warmth. I could hear the sound of the motorcycle, our dialect delivered in a spontaneous manner, and the fictitious sound of belongingness. It is a subtle afternoon—a subtle life at home.

Then I remember walking along a familiar street.  It has been the street that house my naïve perspective. I usually walk here after having a snack at McDonalds. It is my route from a hiding place to the church where I usually attend the afternoon mass. As I stride along the path, I felt the welcoming warmth of a local to a stranger passing by.

Then, I find myself inside a supermarket. I love grocery stores. The way the shelves are arranged fascinates me; it’s like placing things under perspective and control. At the supermarket, I felt organized and empowered. The place makes me believe that no matter how overwhelming things are eventually they will get better and will fall into the right place.

I remember my favorite spot at the coffee shop. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf has been my sanctuary for years even when I am still residing at Cagayan de Oro City. Every time I needed a space from our cruel and crowded world, I immediately find a temporal escape at CBTL. Aside from the best coffee selection, I love the peaceful ambient ambiance. My coffee shop experience usually is divided into two spheres. The first hours is allotted to nothing but staring at the black coffee substance in the cup. I think of nothing and I still wonder how I manage to survive that way for more or less three hours. The second half is the intense part. All ideas are rushes in uncontrollably. Sometimes, I cannot even breathe that I tend to just walk away from the coffee shop with tons of unresolved thoughts. Maybe I am just tired or I am not courageous enough to entertain life changing thoughts that I tend to just call it a day.

I miss life of contentment but I cannot live there anymore. It is complicated that I wanted to be just happy but at the same time I wanted something more. Between the two, it is quite sad that I have chosen the later not that I made a self-defeating decision but probably I am thinking to make the moment of freedom and internal peace last a lifetime. I don’t know. I tend to be crazy sometimes that I am willing to grind for some time for a lifetime of liberation. Does that make any sense?