Fume and Thoughts

I am sitting at the corner of McDonalds when I realize life has been massively dynamic that I am caught in between yesterday, now, and tomorrow. I sip my black coffee and instantly I am blast in the past. In a blink, I find myself sitting at a corner of another fast-food chain enjoying the same black coffee. I feel the same power of freedom and internal peace within me only that it was no longer on the same spot at the same conditions.

Back then when life is a picture of simplicity, I could waste my time doing nothing. I feel contented; never encounter something is lacking. I have a simple life back then and enough money to get by. Though I think I am ambitious at times, at the very moment I was sitting at the corner as I drink that cup of black coffee, I know I am happy; and I never wanted more.

The picture of my town revisit my head. It is an image of serenity, calmness, and warmth. I could hear the sound of the motorcycle, our dialect delivered in a spontaneous manner, and the fictitious sound of belongingness. It is a subtle afternoon—a subtle life at home.

Then I remember walking along a familiar street. It has been the street that house my naïve perspective. I usually walk here after having a snack at McDonalds. It is my route from a hiding place to the church where I usually attend the afternoon mass. As I stride along the path, I felt the welcoming warmth of a local to a stranger passing by.

Then, I find myself inside a supermarket. I love grocery stores. The way the shelves are arranged fascinates me; it’s like placing things under perspective and control. At the supermarket, I felt organized and empowered. The place makes me believe that no matter how overwhelming things are eventually they will get better and will fall into the right place.

I remember my favorite spot at the coffee shop. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf has been my sanctuary for years even when I am still residing at Cagayan de Oro City. Every time I needed a space from our cruel and crowded world, I immediately find a temporal escape at CBTL. Aside from the best coffee selection, I love the peaceful ambient ambiance. My coffee shop experience usually is divided into two spheres. The first hours is allotted to nothing but staring at the black coffee substance in the cup. I think of nothing and I still wonder how I manage to survive that way for more or less three hours. The second half is the intense part. All ideas are rushes in uncontrollably. Sometimes, I cannot even breathe that I tend to just walk away from the coffee shop with tons of unresolved thoughts. Maybe I am just tired or I am not courageous enough to entertain life changing thoughts that I tend to just call it a day.

I miss life of contentment but I cannot live there anymore. It is complicated that I wanted to be just happy but at the same time I wanted something more. Between the two, it is quite sad that I have chosen the later not that I made a self-defeating decision but probably I am thinking to make the moment of freedom and internal peace last a lifetime. I don’t know. I tend to be crazy sometimes that I am willing to grind for some time for a lifetime of liberation. Does that make any sense?